what I want
or what I’m doing
or where I’m going
but I know that things aren’t half bad
Nicole sitting on the baby chair with Besos about to shit in her lap (Taken with Instagram)
“and I don’t know about love.” I have absolutely no idea what it feels like to be in love, and no idea what it feels like to be loved. I’ve never heard the words “I love you” or said them back to someone. Honestly, sometimes I don’t even believe in that word or feeling. I’ve been around all these fucked up relationships and see how sneaky and horrible two people that say they’re “in love” can be to each other and I just don’t understand it. If you love someone as much as you say you do, you’d never want to hurt them or see them upset right? So why would you put the person you happen to care about so deeply in so much pain? I guess who am I to say anything because I have absolutely no experience in this category at all but I know that the day I find love, if it even really exists i’m going to make damn sure it’s real. It just sucks that now I have this negative view on love and how it seems so awful when it’s supposed to be something beautiful. I’m scared shitless because I don’t want to be left heartbroken like so many girls out there. On the other hand I want to fall madly deeply and passionately in love with someone. I want to know what that feels like. I would give my all to someone I loved, but I just won’t settle because I deserve something special. Now it’s just me going back and forth between saying “fuck love” and “I wish I had somebody to love” I don’t even know anymore, I’m just torn.
The thought is bothering me. Mehhh.
This really had me dying